Tuesday, 14 July 2009

Johnny, Johnny!!

I can't possibly love one son more than the other, this much I know... But I do like different things about their personalities and I do treat each of them as an individual. Reading this blog you might think that I am focusing on John more, that somehow I might love Cody less but it is not true. It's not that Cody isn't a remarkable child or that I don't have a ton to say about him... He is and I do.. in my other blog, the family one. I created this blog for John in hopes of helping others like me by means of sharing my story, my pregnancy with the boys, the complications, the birth and the aftermath of IUGR, bad placenta and brain damage... I wanted to tell the world, that sometimes struggles don't stop with the birth of a live baby like I once thought... I honestly thought that I brought John alive into this world, things would be alright... I really equated alive with healthy and healthy with absolutely typical and normal... and I suppose many people do too... When I tell John's story and I get to the dramatic point of his birth, when his heart stopped twice during my c-section, I hear people sigh relieved when they hear John was born screaming mad and breathing... But life and struggles don't stop at birth because John's life was indeed saved by the doctor's but then a new set of specialists got involved this time to save John's *quality* of life... and our uphill road continues. It's a beautiful trek up that hill and at the top awaits a happy and productive life, college if he wants it and a wife and kids if he choses... I am not raising my boys to keep them forever... I am raising them so they can fly, on their own, on strong wings... their paths are their own to chose and I don't mind if the become doctors or taxi drivers as long as they are happy and love what they do. I am teaching John that different is ok and he should be proud of who he is. He was made the way he is for a purpose. I have become a better person because of my son. Everyone who meets John, falls in love with him, big eyes and underdeveloped body... my little bobblehead boy!! He is the apple of his brother's eye and both of them together, are my Alpha and my Omega... John and Cody will never look into my eyes and wonder, even for a second, if they were wanted and loved... something I unfortunately wondered myself when I was a child raised by a disturbed mother... All that said, John has made remarkable progress in the last 18 months. As he nears his 4th birthday in 4 months, and in the last 18 months, he has learned to talk, walk with his feet flat and his arms down, climb, run (even though he looks like a string puppet when he runs!! lol), swim, sing, give hugs and kisses... However this year of PT has done nothing for his muscle tone. He remains hypotonic and underdeveloped (due to lack of muscle tissue) and I am not at all happy about that because I do believe part of it is his therapist. Thankfully we are switching come September and I am raising money to have him do private water therapy so we will see... Here are a couple of photos and a video of John swimming (with an aide) ... he won his first medal in swimming!!! Yay!! Come to think of it... Special Olympics, here we come ;)